So this site is supposed to take a photo of your face and (scientifically?) match it to celebrities within a sliding scale of percentage of resemblance. I uploaded my mug and I get back a bunch of people I have NEVER been mistaken for and some others I don’t even know, I don’t like the outcome of this (J. Edgar Hoover??? Robbie Coltrane??? Are you kiddin’ me???):

So I try a different photo and it comes up with some even older men that I look like and even an old woman!

John Ashscroft???? Jacques Chirac??? Okay, this is ridiculous, I know I look old, but maybe this software is out to get me!!

 So I upload a photo of me, my wife and our daughter at her CATS performance, it recognizes all three faces and makes three different comparison reports. Guess what? My wife, who is actually 4 months older than me looks like a slew of beautiful women!! 

I, however, get these results:

Ike?? Chriac and Coltrane again??? That means it really is true!! I’m only 43 dammit!! I shouldn’t look like the withered old former president of France crossed with freakin’ Hagrid!!!! This site is either full of merde or it’s just cruelly honest. I mean what kind of lopsided results are these?? I know I look older and uglier than my wife, but she’s Pam Anderson and John Travolta’s wife, and I’m some old guy with muttonchops??? I tried the one of my daughter:

MORE cute girls!! At least she was lucky enough to take her looks from her mother’s apparently superior DNA.  Now I have an even worse self-image than usual in my head. I will cheat this time and first load an old photo of me when I was young and fully follicled, before putting the aging alopecia-affected photo up:

80% Johnny Depp??? Now that’s more like it! I’m gonna upload a recent photo now and see what I get ———

.. son of a!! …. great, now they have to go back into the archives before color photography to find anyone resembling me. The sad part about this isn’t how much I’ve aged in the face, but that Johnny Depp is actually a year older than I am!! (On the other hand, Leo DiCaprio showed up in both the old and new photo comparisons. Hmmm.. my wife looks like Kate Winslet and I share features with Leo? We could re-enact Titanic.)

Ahhh, forget it! I’m going with the Johnny Depp one in case anyone asks. (I was really sure I would at least get Bill Murray, maybe even Bob Newhart, Kelsey Grammer or Popeye, but apparently they are too young to resemble me.)

Here’s the morph I chose to use:

MyHeritage: Family tree – Genealogy – Celebrity – Collage – Morph